he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
