also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
