The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
