I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
