Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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