he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
