ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
