i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
