I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
