Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
