I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
