This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
