Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
