do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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