my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
