Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
