I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
