i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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