When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
