I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
