wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
