i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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