Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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