he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
