I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
