Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
