Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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