Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
