I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
