have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
