hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
