You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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