his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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