We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
