hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
...so i touched it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
