If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
