i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
