he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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