This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
