I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
