YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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