I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
