My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
