Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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