That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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