You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
