My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
