I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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