I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
