Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
