he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
