Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
