Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How's work?
Spinning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
