There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
