Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's blow job season.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
